Guarding the Heart of Your Marriage

DAY ONE:  WAKE UP WITH GOD

Read 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 together as a couple. (If only one of you has accepted the challenge, do this on your own).

Love is patient; love is kind, and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly, it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all  things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.

Which part of this verse do you need to put into practice with your spouse? Find ONE way to do that today.

DAY TWO: UNCOVER HIDDEN EXPECTATIONS

Write down one expectation that you have been harboring which may have caused some tension between you. Consider the following areas:

*  Household maintenance

*  Sexual activity

*  Children

*  Finances

*  Roles

*  Outside friendships

*  Church activities

*  Communication styles and frequency

*  Meal preparation

*  Romance

*  In-laws

Now, talk about the expectation and work toward a win-win solution. What's working? What isn't working?

DAY THREE:  WRITE A LOVE LETTER

Take some time today to write a letter to your mate. Think back to what drew you together in the first place. Include qualities about your mate that you are thankful for. Recommit to be a faithful lover for a lifetime. You might even decide to keep a "lover's box" of cherished letters, anniversary cards, and special notes found in lunch boxes to pull out and read together on occasion.

DAY FOUR:  PRACTICE COMMUNICATION SKILLS

Write down one area in your relationship in which God is prompting you to increase patience toward your spouse. When the time is right, discuss this area with your mate. Avoid using words that attack or put you spouse on the defensive. Choose words that build up. Positive affirmation goes much further than negative, critical words.

DAY FIVE:  MANAGE STRESSORS

Learn to flex! Think of one stressor that may be affecting you marital relationship right now. What step(s) will you take to ease the stress?

DAY SIX:  HEAL PAST HURT

Acknowledge the hurt but look for the positive. Choose to forgive your mate. Unforgiveness merely holds you prisoner. Write down one past hurt that you need to confess and forgive. Talk together about any hurt that you may need to confess and forgive. Pray together about that hurt.

DAY SEVEN:  ENHANCE YOUR ROMANCE

Become a student of your mate. Step out of your comfort zone and view romance from your partner's perspective. Ask him/her what one thing s/he would like for you to do to show romance. Then do it!

DAY EIGHT:  OVERCOME ISOLATION

Write down one trait you admire in your spouse, then tell him/her about it.

DAY NINE:  MINISTER TOGETHER

Think of one way your marriage has helped build your character. Then think of a way you can reach out to others as a couple this week.

DAY TEN:  PRACTICE THOUGHTFULNESS

Write down one kind deed you will do for your mate today. Then post it in a prominent place as a reminder to follow through.

DAY ELEVEN:  SURPRISE YOUR SPOUSE

When was the last time you surprised your spouse with an evening out, a weedend away, or even a box of chocolates? The allure is not in the price tag as much as the secret gift of yourself in whatever package you can afford. If you don't know what your mate would enjoy, you will have to get sneaky. Talk to the kids, friends, neighbors, people off the street! Or find windows of opportunity to ask your spouse questions without revealing what you are planning. Now put your surprise into action!

DAY TWELVE:  PULL THE KIDS INTO THE ACT

Children feel secure when mom and dad show love to one another. Let the kids help you plan a romantic evening for you and your spouse. Decorate the table with special cloth, candles, flowers, and let them help you prepare the food, or order out! Let the kids come up with some ideas. They are a storehouse of creativity!

DAY THIRTEEN:  PRAY TOGETHER

In prayer together, thank God for two traits that impress you about your mate. Then ask God to improve one area in your marriage.

DAY FOURTEEN:  PLAY TOGETHER

Think of one activity you can share together this week. Attend a football game, play golf, go window shopping, browse antique stores, take a drive on the parkway, go on a picnic--the sky's the limit! You guys decide.

DAY FIFTEEN:  GROW A FRUITFUL MARRIAGE

Write down the fruit of the Spirit from Galatians 5:22-23. Under each one, write one thing you will do today to implement that quality in your marriage.

DAY SIXTEEN:  HONOR YOUR MATE

Take a couple of minutes (longer if you like!), hold your mate's hand and tell your mate how much you value him. Tell him how much you appreciate him and how much he means to you.

DAY SEVENTEEN:  SPEAK THE TRUTH IN LOVE

Think of one area in your relationship where you need to speak the truth in love. Review the principles for speaking the truth in love from Ephesians 4:25-32 and apply them to your current issue(s). 

DAY EIGHTEEN:  HOLD EACH OTHER ACCOUNTABLE

Write down one area God is asking you to confess to your mate. Share this area with your mate. Ask him/her to hold you accountable to say or do the godly thing.

DAY NINETEEN:  REJOICE IN YOUR DIFFERENCES

Think about a quality in your spouse that is different from your own. Tell your mate what you appreciate about the quality you have chosen. If this is also a trait that has annoyed you at times, talk about that with your mate. Share ways that this trait has affected your relationship and how you can both compromise to remedy the situation.

DAY TWENTY:  HELP YOUR REMARRIAGE FLOURISH

If you are remarried, write down one area in your remarriage that you need to work on. Share what you have written with your mate. Take turns thanking God for the grace to work on problem areas in your relationship.

DAY TWENTY-ONE:  CELEBRATE YOUR LOVE!

Congratulations! You made it! Time to reward yourselves for all that hard work, prayer, and writer's cramp you probably have by now. Turn the lights down low, light the candles, and bask in each other's love. Song of Solomon 7:10 says, "I am my beloved's, and his desire is for me."

(The above excerpt was taken from A New Day for Your Marriage, 21 Days to a Healthier Relationship by Chuck and Eileen Rife © 2003).