Guarding the Heart of Your Marriage

1. How your family of origin influences your expectations.

For Eileen—Dad cooked, cleaned, did whatever needed to be done without being asked; She expected it to be the same with Chuck.

For Chuck—He assumed sex would be 24/7.

Boy, were we both in for a surprise!

**Take 5 minutes as a couple to write down the expectation(s) you brought to marriage. Discuss them. Were you surprised? Are you still living that way? Would adjusting the expectations make any area of your life easier or less stressful?

2. Lowering your expectations.

It is usually easier to change expectations than the reality of the way things are. Lowering expectations will lower the stress. Voicing expectations is a necessary beginning to the other’s understanding. Express thoughts and feelings honestly without fear. Don’t be afraid to include a third party intervention as needed.

3. Developing a lifestyle of loving compromise.

Write down everything involved in the expectation (each spouse write solutions).

I feel_________

when you_________

 I would prefer________

4. Finding common ground.

Ask yourselves: What's working? Rejoice in that. Ask yourselves: What isn't working? Keep problem-solving until you find a win/win solution for both of you.