Guarding the Heart of Your Marriage

In preparation for our upcoming marriage ministry in Uganda, we've been reading through a couple books we think you might find worthy of attention.

The DNA of Relationships by Dr. Gary Smalley

The DNA of Relationships for Couples (four fictional couples are profiled as they work through a four-day marriage intensive) by Dr. Greg Smalley and Dr. Bob Paul.

Visit www.smalleymarriage.com for more helpful information and to check into attending a four-day Marriage Intensive hosted by Dr. Greg Smalley and Dr. Bob Paul.

These books emphasize just what we adhere to through our site: to guard the heart of your marriage. In order to do that, Smalley and Paul suggest several principles:

1)  Establish a safe environment in your home where you can open up and share.

2)  Take responsibility for your own emotions--self care. Also become a trustworthy person that your spouse can safely confide in. Everyone falls short of this at times, so each spouse must take care of his own heart. In other words, guard your heart closely. If a particular interaction does not feel safe, tell your spouse so. Tell him/her that you are choosing not to expose your heart at this time because you feel threatened. When the environment is safe again, you will share. This way you are not handing your heart out indiscriminately to be trampled. This is part of loving yourself so that you can love the other person. Guarding your heart actually frees you as you no longer feel like a puppet on a emotional string being yanked this way and that.

3)  Identify your fear dance. What trigger or button causes you to react to your spouse the way you do in tense situations? Fear of failure? Abandonment? Rejection? There are many and The DNA of Relationships does a great job of detailing each one and helping you identify the fear dance that takes place in your couple relationship so that you can learn new dance steps.

Highly recommended!